Calming Jar

Yesterday morning we did a craft!  It’s something that I found on Pinterest (http://chasingthefirefly.wordpress.com/2011/09/13/free-your-mind/), and it ties in nicely with the thinking I’ve been doing about best discipline methods.  (Lance and I have been reading Grace Based Parenting, by Tim Kimmel, so I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about how I can incorporate grace into everything, especially discipline.)  And I’ve been thinking about how to teach Judith do deal with her anger (tantrum!) without throwing things or yelling.  This project gives her something concrete to focus on during a “time out”, and I think watching it is pretty soothing.  We’ll see how it goes.  Haven’t actually had the opportunity to try it out yet.

At any rate, here’s what we did:

Materials:

One empty jar (if I do this again, I will use an empty two-liter instead.  Those aren’t breakable!)

Glue (the original directions call for glitter glue – but that’s not something I use, so I didn’t have it on hand...see problems that this caused below!)

Glitter (in hindsight, I’d get the tiny glitter instead of the regular size that I got.  The higher price would have been worth the slower sinking-time.

HOT tap water - the hottest your tap will produce, but not boiling

Food coloring

Stickers  - we wanted to decorate the outside of our jar.

Materials assembled, crafter ready.

 If desired, decorate the outside of your jar with stickers (or paint, or whatever).  Just leave enough "clear" space that you'll be able to watch the contents of the jar.

we decorated our jar with Mama's favorite butterfly stickers.

 Add the glue, water, food coloring, and glitter (order doesn't matter).

adding the glue

adding the food coloring (pink, of course!)

At this point, I realized that I’d made a huge mistake in thinking I could substitute “regular” glue for glitter glue – because my regular glue was, in fact, washable.  And it pretty much dissolved in the water without thickening it at all (note the bubbles at the top of the jar!).  This is a problem because the glitter, instead of floating slowly, gracefully, calmingly down to the bottom, just drops.  So I did a quick mental review of what was in my cupboard, and started adding corn syrup, because I have it on hand.  And it worked pretty well – after a LOT was added!  I think the result is at least one-quarter corn syrup.

the final product

One more note:  as mentioned in the materials list, a light plastic bottle (such as an empty 2-liter) would much lighter, and not breakable, and therefore easier for Judith to shake up by herself.  But the empty peanut butter jar is what I had.  It just means I have to shake it up for her.

"I just love it!"

 As I mentioned above, we haven't had a temper tantrum or meltdown to try this out with.  But even if it doesn't succeed in calming Judith, we had a fun time and she'll enjoy shaking it up from time to time anyway.  And maybe I can use it myself to calm down before disciplining!

TTFN,

Barbara

Potty Training

In those years that I longed for a child, I never considered potty training.  "Had I know then what I know now...."  I still love my daughter beyond words, and she is still a phenomenal, miraculous blessing; but potty training has thoroughly tested everything I "knew" about her and about myself.  I've been hesitating in writing this blog entry because I've been waiting for a happy ending.  It's not really here yet, but I'm going to post anyway.  I hope to be able to provide a happy ending update soon!  Here's a timeline/summary of our continuing journey.

November 2010
While a friend was babysitting, Judith announced that instead of having her diaper changed, she wanted to go on the potty (and she went!).  We'd been keeping the potty chair in our bathroom just to get her used to it.  She'd been excited to sit on it (fully clothed!) whenever I was going, but she'd never shown any interest in actually using it.  I'd been reading through signs of readiness and evaluating whether Judith might be ready.  One of the main signs of readiness is uncomfortableness with being wet, and asking to have pants changed - something Judith had NEVER done.  And because she didn't seem ready, I was anticipating starting sometime in late spring 2011.  But when she was so excited to go for our friend, I took it as a sign to begin. (Oh, how sad I am, remembering that optimistic me!)  From the public library, I checked out the book "Toilet Training in Less than A Day," which my mom had recommended (and had used with success to train my sisters).  I read it, made copious notes, assembled supplies, picked a day, and started.  And Judith enjoyed practicing - especially when she got treats and "special juice" (not watered down!) in large amounts.  And she loved running from different parts of the house to the potty chair (the method suggests practicing running to the chair 10x for every accident); unfortunately, she considered running to the chair to be a reward, and it didn't motivate her to run when she actually needed to go ("if I have an accident, I get to run lots!" seemed to be her way of thinking).  She seemed to be recognizing when she needed to go, and I was hopeful that it wouldn't be very long before she was "trained".

Looking back, I can see that there were several parts of the method that really didn't fit with Judith's personality, and those should have been warning signs of her not-readiness, and her need for a different type of training.  For example, the method emphasizes the child doing everything for herself, from pulling on her panties to getting the toilet paper and emptying the potty chair into the toilet.  But Judith didn't (and still doesn't) want to do those things herself.  She wanted to have me help her - and I was sticking to "the plan" and not helping.  Rebellion came pretty quickly.  She started saying things like "no, I'm not going on the potty.  We can just clean it up."  (She stopped being allowed to clean up puddles herself because she treated that as a reward too.)  But we stuck to it, and by the end of the month she would go when asked, and even had some dry days.  One bright spot was that she did phenomenally well anytime we were outside the house.  All of her accidents were confined to our home - and it was a relief to be out of the house because I knew she'd be dry. 
I thought we were close to the end.


December 2010
My parents came to visit.  My mom was here for three weeks, and my dad was here with her for the final  week   Judith did OK going potty for Grandma, and again, I thought we were over the hump and it was all downhill.  But we went away to a condo for part of the final week, and Judith regressed completely.  It started with a #2 accident in a restaurant, and deteriorated to four accidents in an hour in the condo.  I broke down and bought some pull ups - and when we got home I put her back in diapers.  We'd try again later. 

I vividly remember the relief of putting her back in diapers.  Yes, it had been wonderful for a month to not have to spend money on diapers, but that was about the only benefit we were experiencing.  Judith wasn't happy; she was failing constantly to meet my expectations, and she knew it.  And I wasn't happy - I saw myself as a complete failure as mother, and I was sure that she could do it if she could just want to try.  And to step back and say "this isn't working" was a huge burden off both of us.

August 2011 - present
Although I had originally intended to start potty training again in late spring with the onset of warmer weather, the timing was somehow never right.  And when I looked ahead to our planned August visit to Michigan, I saw nothing but nightmare if we were only partially through with potty-training while we were there.  Diapers would be so much easier.  So I waited.  And at Judith's 3-year check up, the doctor asked her if she was going on the potty.  When we said no, he said, in a shocked voice "Judith!  You should be going on the potty like a big girl!"  (On a side note:  how completely unfair of the doctor, both to me and to Judith, to express such vehemence without even asking for reasons or explanation!)  Predictably, when we got home, Judith said she wanted to wear panties like a big girl.  We talked about how she would then need to use the potty like a big girl and keep her panties dry.  And we transitioned (without any supplies on hand for incentives!  without any planning on my part!).  Since then, she hasn't worn a diaper once (except for the first two weeks at night).

But I wouldn't say she's trained yet!  We started a "potty progress chart" where she gets a flower on the day if she's dry all day.  And looking at it shows how difficult it's been.  There are weeks of flowers followed by blank weeks, and a few lonely days scattered here and there.  (She is dry most nights - she's had maybe four or five bed-wettings total since August.)

The most difficult part is figuring out how to motivate her to want to go.  Saying "big girls have dry pants" isn't enough.  Reading books about big kids going on the potty or providing examples of all her friends isn't enough.  Providing a treat every time she goes (or every time she goes with dry pants) isn't enough.  In the beginning of November, we made candy turkeys at MOPS - and there are several days in a row of success, because she was also getting a piece of the turkey every time she said "mama, I have to go potty" and then went.  But as soon as the turkeys were gone, the motivation dried up.  She shows absolutely no inclination to interrupt what she's doing and go, even when she's assured that whatever it is will be there when she gets back.  Even now, five months later it is extremely rare that she goes before her pants are wet, instead of after she's started.  I don't know whether she has trouble recognizing the urge, or whether she has trouble leaving what she's interested in.  Either way, she's not motivated to learn.

Until our recent bout with stomach flu, I'd have said that she was doing pretty well with #2.  She didn't like to go - and she'd usually hold it for several days before going - but she rarely had #2 accidents.  And now she's had a #2 accident every day for the last five days (sometimes several times in one day).  In theory I accept that this is because her body completely failed on her when she had the stomach flu - and it's still not entirely back to normal.  But because she doesn't say anything when she does have an accident, I'm beyond frustrated - and she has horrendous diaper rash.  We're working on having her at least tell us!


So there it is - my abject failure as a mother.  Forget "less than a day" - in five months I have still not potty trained my child.  I still struggle to find ways to motivate her to want to go on her own, without a timer set or an "order" from me.  I hesitate to ask someone to babysit or to let her go on a playdate or to take her to the park, all because I am so embarrassed by how untrained she is.  I have nightmare visions of her going off to college still unable to get to the toilet before her pants are wet.  (OK, that last part is an exaggeration - I have trouble seeing any light at the end of the tunnel, though.)  I cringe when I hear other mothers talk about their potty training success, remembering past "success stories" that I shared which were immediately followed by regression.  I pray daily for patience and grace as we slowly learn this essential life skill.

(Any words of encouragement would be greatly appreciated)
Barbara

Showcasing Past Projects

Since I haven't blogged for years - and since I've never blogged about crochet projects until now, I thought I'd showcase ("show off!") some of my relatively recent projects.  For the patterns that I know, I've captioned the pictures with the url link.

Judith's Big-Girl-Bed Afghan 

(January 2011)

I tried to tie this one in with the mural that's on her wall.  So I picked out some coordinating colors, and then found a wonderful rainbow multi (Sensations Rainbow Classic) with those colors, and picked out a few more colors to go with the multi.  I wanted flowers - but not too obviously flowery - and I found this granny square pattern that seemed to fit. I didn't actually download a .pdf, so I'm having trouble finding the actual pattern that I used.  It's a pretty standard granny, though.  I'm very happy with the result, and so is Judith :-)

Jada's Butterfly Afghan

(Spring 2011)

I wanted to do an afghan for my six-year-old niece, because the last one that I made for her was when she was born.  I found this 3D butterfly pattern that was absolutely perfect!  I started with the same rainbow multi as I used in Judith's (above), and then chose colors for the butterflies from remnants of yarn.  I decided on the green background because it blended with the rainbow better than a white or other more neutral color.

http://www.redheart.com/files/patterns/pdf/WR1665.pdf

I loved the result so much that I also made it in yellow for my niece Olivia:

(sorry, this is the best pic I have!)

 and in blue for my niece Cora:

back

front

Layla's Afghan
(Summer 2011)
My friend Amanda picked out these colors herself for her newborn.  Then I went looking for a pattern that would some how say how much we loved and valued the baby.  I found this wonderful hearts and diamonds pattern.  It went very quickly - the heart panels are crochet in separate strips and then outlined with the diamonds and then stitched together.  I did have to do some finagling because it wasn't as big as the original pattern - but I think it turned out fine anyway.

http://www.redheart.com/files/patterns/pdf/928_0561_US_E707D.pdf

Prairie Star
(August 2011)
When Lance's cousin's son got engaged, I started looking for an afghan pattern that would make a memorable present.  I found this wonderful pattern AND another wonderful color combo from Sensations Rainbow Classic in blues and browns.  Here's the result:

http://www.redheart.com/files/patterns/pdf/LW1295.pdf

I also made hats, scarves, shrugs, and other afghans - but don't have pictures, so I'm not going to blog them :-).

TTFN,
Barbara

Ladybug

I took advantage of our continuing beautiful weather to do some work in the yard.  Judith joined me outside for a couple hours.  She was beside herself with excitement to find a ladybug on a leaf.  All on her own, she got it to crawl on her hand, and it crawled up and down her arm for long enough for me to examine it with her, go inside to get the camera, come back out and take pictures, put the camera away, and come back to look at it some more.  The whole time she was talking to it, saying things like "Hello, Ladybug.  I'm Judith.  And this is my mama."  And the only time she got a little nervous was when it crawled so far up her arm that she couldn't see it anymore.  (I redirected it to climb back down.)  She also moved it back and forth from hand to hand, and let it balance on the end of her hoe for a little while.  A very fun nature moment!

"Look mama! It's on my hoe!"

  

"Hello ladybug, I'm Judith."

Goals

(warning:  no pictures of Judith in this blog!)
The third week of January may be a little late to talk about New Year's Resolutions.  I'm getting around that faux pax by calling them "Goals for the Year".  And I'm blogging about it so that I will be completely honest with myself a month from now, six months from now, and in December. 

Although some of these have a specific end, most of these goals are about building better habits.  So, 10 goals for 2012:

1. I will reach and maintain my weight loss goal.
2. I will plan more healthy meals for myself and my family (not just meals that aren't high in calories) including salads with most dinners.
3. I will study my Bible more regularly and more passionately.
4. I will make time (and arrange child care) for more dates with Lance.
5. I will research and create a plan for homeschooling Judith.
6. I will invite guests for dinner at least once every two months.
7. I will more closely follow our grocery budget, curbing splurge impulses.
8. I will not go to bed without cleaning up the kitchen.
9. I will care for my houseplants so that they thrive instead of being just barely kept alive.
10. I will blog at least once per week.

Theme for the year:  Health

Barbara

Imagination!

I am frequently blown away by the power of Judith's imagination.  I imagine that's true for most mothers.  Here are some of her recent playtime imaginings.

Picnic on the White Planet
We recently watched an early episode of Wallace & Gromit (British claymation show by Aardman) in which they decide to take a trip to the moon because it must be made of cheese.  A few days after watching it, Judith noticed the sheets off our bed (laundry day) and decided she need to play there.  She explained that she was on the white planet and that it was made of cheese.

the white planet

During her picnic, as I was taking pictures, she held up this bracelet to her eye.  "I look like Professor Z!" she said.  It took me a minute to remember that the Professor is a character from Cars2 - he wears a monocle.

"I look like Professor Z"

The Proper Way to Eat
Judith's favorite snack food is Cheerios mixed with Annie's Whole Wheat Bunnies.  Frequently she has them for breakfast or for a snack throughout the day.  The other day I walked into the living room to discover Cheerios and Bunnies lined up at right angles on the tea table.  When I asked what she was doing, she said that she had to eat them this way - that the Cheerios were waiting for the bunnies.  Then she demonstrated proper eating technique:  pick up a Cheerio with the bunny's foot and then eat them together.

"the cheerios are ready for the bunnies"

 We'll have to write to Heloise to tell her the right way to eat this snack mix.

"see...this is how you eat them"

Dirt!

2 cubic yards of black gold!

A late Christmas present arrived for us at 8:30 this morning.  Two cubic yards of extra-super-special dirt, black with wonderful organic compost – a fragrant piece of Iowa farmland transported to my California backyard.  (Not really – it’s a local company, and I doubt they import their soil from Iowa – but that’s what it makes me think of.) 

"Don't worry, Mama, I'll move it for you!"

Judith and I watched from the window as the truck dumped it into a big pile in front of the bedroom window.  (For a few seconds we worried that it might actually back into the window...but the driver was more skilled than we gave him credit for.)  Then we got out our boots and went to work!  Our wheelbarrow is broken, so I filled a five-gallon bucket over and over, transporting the riches to various parts of the garden.  The blueberries, the fruit trees, and the vegetable garden all got their share.

The future blackberry patch!

After a little while, Grandpa Tim came with his wheelbarrow to help us.  He did the hardest work – wheeling load after load to the back 40, where I’m joyfully planning my new blackberry patch!  When that area was covered in a foot of soil, he piled up the rest in a backyard dirt bank that I’ll withdraw from as needed.  

  

Grandpa's helper!

Judith was in and out of the project.  She was very exited to be in the yard so early in the morning...although it was COLD (well, 40ish), and she ran around for quite awhile as I worked.  Eventually she decided she wanted to be inside instead, and I put on a DVD for her.  Once Grandpa came she changed her mind and came outside – she had a fantastic time helping to build the new backyard pile.  She “helped” Grandpa by using her hoe to put the dirt on his shovel, and then led the way to the backyard each time.  I think she said something about making sure they were on the right path (yes, “Diego” is still the primary show that she watches).

The evidence of helping

 All-in-all, a productive (if messy) morning!

TTFN,

Barbara